Important medical report:  July 2003

Above, doctor Mario Fillipe M.D. tends a suffering Carbolytus victim.

Every year, 700 000 people in the small town of Chintoaga, just outside of Mexico City are suffering from a fatal water-bred disease known as Carbolytus. This virus first appeared during World War I in the trenches (then known as the “vermin virus”) and made its way to Mexico when Mexican President Menudo began importing rare avocados from the African Congo. While a remedy is close at hand, they are asking for your support to help provide medical supplies to doctors and nurses who are treating Carbolytus.

Prevalence

The growth of the virus has been steady, and will continue to climb without a substantial increase in intercontinental support.

Symptoms

Itching knees, a slight loss of hearing, and induced vomiting. Other side effects may include increased hair growth, loss of pigmentation in the retina, and slurred speech.